Time

As a little girl I looked at getting older as this amazing thing that happened every year. It was marked by family and friends, presents and lets not forget, CAKE! I looked forward to getting older. I celebrated the milestones just like everyone else. I turned sixteen and I started driving. I turned eighteen and started college. I turned twenty-one and yes, had my first drink and my first date with the Porcelain Gods! It was exciting and you could just feel that you were on the brink of a new challenge, a new adventure but once you pass your special milestones and you really grasp what getting older means you see how life is going to continuously change and not always for the better.

I have been doing a lot of internal searching and have been trying to find my way through a world that seems so scary and lonely right now. I lost my grandma a few weeks ago and I have struggled with the loss. She was the best grandma in the world and I have so many amazing memories but thinking about them still brings tears to my eyes so I am locking them in my heart where they will be safe and never forgotten. I miss her so much and I am so thankful for the 33 years I had her in my life. I will carry on her traditions through out my life and some day the tears will turn to smiles and laughter just as it should be. I am just navigating the waters the best I can at this point. I do think there are times when I need a giant purple unicorn inner tube to help me float along the way.

So, as my birthday approaches this year the joy I felt as a kid is missing and the reality that I am getting older every year and knowing that life does not wait on you to be ready leaves a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth. I know this taste will pass and I hold out hope that one day birthdays will become magical again and even at an older age, wishes can still come true.