What have you done for me lately?????

One may ask in selfish resentment.......what have you done for me lately? Darkness clouds the eyes and frustration fills your soul as you search for clues hidden beneath the moments in time. Answers are needed but open ended questions are what you are left with. Again you stare it in the face. Penetrating every ounce of what stands before you. You ask as tears roll down your cheek........what have you done for me lately????

Pain has washed over you moment after moment. Movement has been frozen in time and the wish  normalcy has once again been lost. In the wake that is left behind life is shattered, dreams are lost and you are left with what has crumbled around you. Slowly you bend over and slump to the ground and pick up the pieces. For the longest of time the pieces continue to just slip through your fingers. The ability to grasp is lost and you are paralized in the moment wishing that your will was enough to make the smallest of differences. A negative energy is the gift given in a pretty package. Pain and sleeplessness is the dessert after a four course meal and agony is paired with defeat. What have you done for me lately?????

As the question hangs in the air with defeat worn as a proud badge I look at it straight in the eye. A smile creaps into the darkness and light shines through. The heaviness in the air is swept away by a sweet breeze. You may burden me with pain and discourage me with road blocks but you have not defeated me. You may hurt my body and break my heart over and over but you have not stolen my hope. You follow me everywhere I go but what others see when I walk into a room is my bright eyes and radiant smile. You have not stolen my will and will never take away my joy. I will always look you right in the eye and challenge you to go ahead, try again.

As national lupus month comes to an end and most forget for another year the daily fight that occurs everyday for me, I stand up everyday to an invisible disease and continue to challange it. It may be a part of who I am but it has not and never will define me.