Phone Call

There are certain moments in life when you prepare yourself for amazing moments and there are times in your life when you are bulldozed over in shock because you were unable to prepare yourself for the moment you are facing. One thing is certain, the outcome of how you view these moments is in the power of your heart. You can hold on to things with anger or let go in sweet relief as time passes. The choice is yours and today you can choose to make more room in your heart for something amazing to come in if you just let go and find some peace in the separation from the good and the bad.

Yesterday I received a phone call from the CDC. I was told over the phone by a stranger that I had been recorded as having Valley Fever in late 2012. A diagnosis that was never confirmed by the doctor running the tests. All of the reported cases are being studied to see what the long term complications are for this now chronic condition. I was asked about my symptoms during the first signs of sickness and what symptoms I am currently still having. I will continue to be studied over the upcoming years. I have now joined a small group of people who were diagnosed with the illness, never informed and never treated. Some are alive and some sadly have passed away from complication that were a mystery to everyone even long after the lungs stopped breathing but are now being discovered as lingering complications of Valley Fever. 

When I received the news I told the young man on the other end of the line that there must have been a mistake because I was never informed of this and I was being seen at one of the top facilities in the nation being taken care of by a doctor who I had so desperately waited to see for months. This was not possible and the mistake had to of been on the other end of the line that day. After receiving the information, confirming the doctor and the facility it slowly sunk in that the trust I have put into the medical community was lost. For a moment I felt betrayed by the one person who I had given my whole body to in hopes of trying to solve a mystery and searching for the hidden clues lost deep inside my blood, bones and organs. 

Following this period of time in 2012 I have been hospitalized more times than I can remember. I spent a year on antibiotics and steroids. I left work hoping to find a healthier me only to find a year and a half of struggle and pain wondering why I am sicker now than I was two years ago. I saw friends and family look at me and give up on me in the scariest moments out of frustration. I was left struggling for a breath and an answer. I thought to myself that I was crazy. There is no way I am sicker now than when I worked. I just did not notice the flares as much when I worked. However, time after time I found myself in bed struggling to complete the simplest of tasks. I missed out on amazing adventures and even missed my baby sisters wedding because I was unable to travel from Arizona to Ohio with my lung infections. My life changed in a drastic way and until yesterday I was still left in the silence of my thoughts wondering what happened to me. Every issue, every symptom and every iv poke was due to Lupus and no one had any other reason to believe differently..........that was until yesterday. 

How do you move on from this kind of shock? How do you instill your faith back into the medical community after someone chose to not make a five minute phone call and treat the underlying condition? How do I get back the year and a half of unanswered questions and moments in life that will forever be lost? I don't. 

Today I woke up and I am blessed that the phone call yesterday was answered by me and not my family mourning the loss of a loved one from something that they could not explain. I am thankful that finally some light is being shined on something that was left in the dark for so long. Monday I will walk into the fancy pantsy facility and demand all of my records from every doctor who saw me and walk away knowing that the best care is not always found in the most obvious of places. Testing will start and if needed treatment will begin. My life and health will be monitored by those collecting data and hopefully my unfortunate situation will not happen again.......better yet, I will make sure it does not happen again. Hopefully once this has passed I may actually be able to go back to a life full of adventure and full of hope. My body may finally receive the break it so desperately needs. 

Most important today I release the anger and frustration that clouded every thought that that crossed my mind yesterday. I will make the choice to let this go and make room for something full of hope and happiness. This does not have to change me but instead can guide me to a more peaceful place. I can let go of the bad and take in all that is good. It also does not hurt knowing that I can stomp my foot and yell to the world......I WAS right and I am NOT crazy!!!!!!!!