My fondest memories of a child were the night before Christmas. My grandma would call and read me the infamous story and my sister and I would crawl into bed. In the early years we would sleep together, well, lay together and wait anxiously for the sound of sleigh bells and pawing of reindeer hoofs on the roof. We would go into giggle fits and try our hardest to just go to sleep because we knew morning would come a bit sooner that way. However, most Christmas Eves went without a single ounce of shut eye and an early rising the following morning to see what Santa had left us! We woke to dolls, barbies and even new beds one year! We were the luckiest kids in the world and our parents made sure we felt extra special on the most important holiday for a child.
Oh how times have changed! Now with growing families we find ourselves wrapping presents, helping little hands leave out cookies for Santa and praying that they sleep in for one more hour on this exciting morning. The child wonder may have drifted onto the next generation but the magic of the holiday has never faded in our hearts. I seem to notice family traditions a bit more and long for them all year. I tend to want time to tick by a bit slower so I can just go on one more drive around the neighborhood to see all the twinkling lights! The presents under the tree bring so much excitement and joy but not because they are mine but instead of the anticipation of others opening the gifts you put your heart and soul into and seeing them smiling ear to ear when they see the surprise inside! That wonder has never faded from my heart and I hold on to it year after year.
This Christmas I find my heart longing for dreams and magic wishes I hope to come true this Christmas morning. My wishes are of finding happiness and contentment in a life that I now call my own. I long for days where pain is relieved physically and emotionally. I look forward to finding acceptance and love not just on Christmas but through out the entire year. I want days to be filled with joy and excitement. I wish that I could make a difference in the world, not just during the holidays but everyday. I would love to leave a path on this earth that my family can continue to explore long after I am gone. I wish that Lupus would take a few more days off and leave me with a much needed vacation from the daily ups and downs one goes through with a chronic condition. I long to turn on the news and hear good tidings and joyous news of love and compassion. I want the world to continue to become a better place so that when I bring my family into it I have faith not only in myself as a parent but in the world as a whole. I want every day to hold a bit of magic that we can all hold on to.
My Christmas wishes can not be wrapped in a box adorned with a bow. You can not touch it or taste it. It is not something you can physically give to me but none the less it is real. I am no longer a child but I still have a heart that continues to hope, dream and believe that all things are possible......especially during this magical time of year. I may be a grown up but after all I can still have my own grown up Christmas wish.
