It was dark that night. So dark that not even a star in the sky shined bright enough to break the thick blanket that loomed over us. I had wandered a bit from camp and found myself not knowing where I was. Once I realized that nothing felt familiar and everything felt so foreign the air in my lungs thickened. My heartbeat quickened, my head started to spin and for a moment I felt as though I was drowning in my own sense of fear. I started yelling softly at first. No reply was heard. I yelled once more a bit louder and the only answer I received was the echo off of the canyon walls below. I yelled once more with all my might and faintly I was called. I followed the voice until finally over a little embankment I saw the far off glow of the burning fire. My heartbeat slowed, I found my bearings once more and in that instant I could breath with the ease of repetition my body had always known. I had been lost but now I was found.
There are moments we go through in life where the feeling of being lost is inevitable and the panic sets in once more. Nothing around us looks familiar and inside we are filled with doubt and a sense of loneliness. You cry out hoping someone calls back but all you hear is the echo of your cries from deep within. The most terrifying moments are not the ones when you realize you're lost to others around you. The most terrifying moments are when you realize you are lost to yourself.
Trees have overgrown above me and the sun is not able to shine through. The ground cover has engulfed the path I find myself on. I no longer can find where to place my foot when I take the next step. I lie down so still and wait. I am not sure what I am waiting for but I know it is on its way. I wait for the trees to blow and the sun to shine on me. I take in the warmth and remember what I am fighting. It takes courage and inner strength to stand up once more. Ahead of me there is a small resemblance of the path I was on. With one step in front of the other I take my place once more.
With each step forward I call out. I listen ever so closely. I call out louder and again find myself listening to the stillness surrounding me. As the panic fills the space inbetween I close my eyes and hold on tight to what I know.......the reminder of the love and joy hidden within the feelings of fear. I search high and low for the faith that has been misplaced. Most importantly I look for myself so that I am reminded once more that I may feel lost throughout this journey but if I look deep within I will always see that I am never far from home.
