Fall is fast approaching and the summer sun will soon set and give way to the organic beauty of nature. Golds, oranges and reds will warm us from the inside as the outside chill swirls around kissing our cheeks. Trees will shed their leaves in preparation for their winter sleep and grass will brown as it prepares for the winters first fresh blanket of snow. The year will be coming to an end and the time to reflect will be upon us.
As Fall winds its way into the world I am left thinking of this past year and what an amazing year it has been for us so far. Yes, I know that we are months away from letting go of the old and bringing in the new but I am a strong believer in positive thinking and pure reflection on ones life. It clears the soul and alleviates the heart. It allows us to constantly take inventory of our personal happiness in real time.
As I start to reflect I am in bed this weekend resting. Lupus has shown its ugly little head (picture the worst bed head ever) and has landed me in the hot seat once more. It is testing my personal strength but more importantly it is trying to test my belief in myself . As I lay here in bed it would be very easy to fall into the sad, angry and frustrated abyss that lies below the surface. I could ask questions in regards to why do I have to suffer every day and why have I had to make so many sacrifices that most will never even have to consider? Why is becoming pregnant so hard for me and so easy for others? I could lay here and wallow in self pity; however, that is not true Danica fashion for we all know that I am better than that!
Today, as I continue to take inventory of my personal happiness, I close my eyes and revisit the first date Greg and I had. For a moment I find myself back in Ohio running with Lauren and Mia and taking in every ounce of love because these moments are fleeting. I find myself in Colorado hiking down Box Canyon Falls breathing in the mist and truly finding my heaven on earth. Greg and I are sitting next to each other Christmas morning when I started opening box after smaller box until the moment when I became a fiance. Boxes are being unpacked as we move into our first home together and embark on a new adventure. I am standing under the gazebo listening to the music and feeling the ocean breeze whisp a piece of my sun kissed hair across my cheek as I say I do and became a wife. Families are joined, friendships are nurtured and time is filled with nothing but joy from my heart. When life shows me pain and suffering I draw from these happy moments in my life and use them to build a stronger foundation of love. It is in this foundation where I draw the most strength.
Now it is time to embark on another month of sweet anticipation in the hopes of our miracle. I reflect on everything that is good in the world and in my life and use it to muster up enough courage to put a brave face on and believe this month is THE month. Even if this month does not result in the way we hope, I carry with me that with each passing day we are closer to realizing our dream of a family. One that will be built on a foundation of unconditional love, never ending encouragement and pure acceptance.
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