My hill.............

I was recently described to someone as the one who lives on their own hill and is so positive that every once in a while they would like to punch me! Some may take that as a negative but not me, I giggled that one all the way home! It actually was an amazing compliment when I stop and really ponder it. I do live on my own hill and I seem to have my own weather that brings moments of complete and utter fear and other moments where I am so close to happiness that it almost burns my cheeks.

On my hill I am able to wear a blue sundress everyday and when I turn around the skirt lifts just enough that I can see a trail of blue out of the corner of my eyes. I am barefoot and take shelter under a lemon tree that has so many lemons that are so bright that you will finally understand why yellow evokes bright thoughts in your own mind. The hill is soft and emerald green but do not let that fool you, the climb can be treacherous if you are not prepared.  However, the reward at the end is this amazing moment where everything finally feels just right and time disappears and you will also get lost in the childlike spin of a blue sundress. This is my happy place. It is a place most will never see but others will try. 

I am the keeper of my hill and some try to climb and others find it to difficult and move on. You see there is no loneliness on my hill and I know my loves in my life will come and stay and others may have to go away for a small amount of time but remember times disappears on my hill and so it is as if my loves never left. 

On top of my hill there are also wild horses that I have been told if you feed them popcorn they turn into magical unicorns but THAT is a secret I will never reveal...........

Carry on...........

I have a confession...........I love to sneeze!!!!! I have no idea why but I do.......hehehehehe!!!!! The one thing I do NOT like are the hiccups. I have heard so many little things that you can do to cure your hiccups. I have drunk a glass a water backwards and let me tell you, be prepared to basically give yourself another shower! I have held my breath, been scared and even stood on my head! What I did learn is that hiccups will come and go.

I think the little hiccups in life are things that, they will just come and go. We will all face adversity in our lives. We will face illness and we will face death. You can not close your eyes, hold your breath and stand on your head to get rid of them. They are what they are and the question is how will you deal with your hiccups in this life?

I have had my heart broken so many times because of the hiccups that rolled through my life. I could have stopped and waited until they passed but in stead I chose to carry on. For instance, I am sick but I am also a happy, positive person who knows that my hiccups are not permanent. When I see those hiccups in my life coming I do not run from them instead I picture myself jump roping! Yep, jump roping! I close my eyes and jump and jump until I  jump right through that hiccup!!!! It does not stop it from heading your way, it just prepares you to face it and face it in a healthy manner.

Remember, hiccups are going to come and go. Some may last longer than others and some may even be life changing but there is nothing in your life that you can not handle. Just continue to carry on.

Beauty

Growing up in the Midwest I loved everything that spring represented. Spring represented rebirth and new life! Everywhere you looked something was coming alive! Flowers of hundreds of colors could be seen everywhere you looked. The sky was so blue that you could swear you had never seen that shade of blue before. The birds started to emerge and surrounded us with their beautiful songs from sun up to sun down. Trees were budding and soon you would hear the rustling of the leaves as the spring breeze blew in. The smells were sweet and vibrant and triggered images of fresh fruit and children laughing and running barefoot through the fields! Life emerged from every corner. Doors were opening. Windows were being cracked for the first time in months and in came the spring breeze and out blew the quietness of winter. The darkness of winter would soon be left behind and the newness of the world would be seen by everyone!

I find it very fitting that May is National Lupus Awareness Month. It is the heart of spring and in the newness emerges new hope in every Lupus patient and floods the world. It is time to see the beauty in everything and have hope that this is the year where we will be reborn again and a cure will be found! Hope is around every corner and the beauty of Spring fills us again. When I think of all of us who suffer from the mysterious disease I close my eyes and see thousands of us standing in a field and each of us shines with a different color. It is not ugly and it is not scary............it is beautiful and we are beautiful! Our scars on our faces, swelling of joints and the inability to move is left behind and we emerge to greet the spring with wonder and joy! In this field we all have billowing hair that has not been ravaged by chemo and it blows with the sweet breeze of spring! We rustle just like trees that are coming back to life. We bask in the warmth of the sun and for once we are not afraid!

Just like the flowers in the field each Lupus patient is different and the disease ravages our body in its own way. Even though we are each affected differently it is time to stand together as one! Our voices need to be heard and we need to remember to inspire everyone we meet. With inspiration awareness is born. Awareness and inspiration are the birth places for innovation, new testing and one day a cure! Today close your eyes and put yourself in that beautiful field and gently hold the hand of the Lupus patient standing next to you. Raise your heart and your voice and lets make a stand..................we will be heard and we will not be forgotten!

Cruelty

Growing up I was the little girl who just wanted to fit in. I wanted to have friends on the playground and I wanted to have friends who would knock on my door and ask my mama if I could come out and play. Eventually that happened and in order to keep that I would go above and beyond to be kind to others. At times I would probably be tooooooo nice. People would still  make fun of me and treat me poorly because they knew I would come back to school the next day and be their friends. As I grew up I would continue to see the way people would treat each others. The cruelty that would come out only because someone was a bit different. However, those people who were treated poorly would still come back and show great kindness  because being treated poorly was better than being invisible and treated like no one. 

I was taught the Golden Rule as a child.........treat others the way you would want to be treated. I swore to this rule as a child and as an adult but recently I have found default in this Golden Rule. There are some days when you can go out into the world and kill others with kindness because that is how you would want to be treated; however, this is not returned. What do you do when you try so hard to treat someone with love and loyalty when you are a door mat? How do you continue to be this kind person who shows so much love and kindness but can not see it surrounding them? What if you are made fun of or judged based on something you have no control over? What happens when you are kind and try as hard as you possibly could but find that no matter what you have no control over what happens to you which in return hurts your loved ones? 

You see I did not realize when I got sick that my life would change so drastically and that Lupus would not only affect me but also my family and friends to such a degree that some would just leave because they could not handle what this disease would show over time. I am the same Danica who ran home with tears in her eyes some days after school. I still run home with tears in my eyes after appointments, hospital stays and treatments. I still ask why everyday. Why does my life have to be altered so much because of a disease I did not ask for or have control over. I do the best I can with what I have. I am bright, Lupus beautiful and have so much love and kindness to still give but sometimes I run into these hateful and hurtful walls in life. I feel punished for being sick and I will miss out on some of the most important moments in our lives all because I have a disease called Lupus and all the details that come with it. What makes me so mad at times is that I am seen as the sick girl, Danica. Really I should be looked at as Danica only. I am not my disease and my disease can not rob me of who I am. So, if you do not like me I am ok with that but if you do not like the challenges of what a chronic illness brings to an individual and therefore clouds your judgement so much that you do not see me, the real me, then I do not need you or your shinanigens in my life.

It is Lupus awareness month and all I ask of you is to show a little more kindness and compassion for those around you. They may be sick or they may be healthy but they to still just want to be loved. So, what are you waiting for? Go knock on their door and ask them to come out and play!