Summer Heat

When I was a kid I dreaded the onset of fall days. The sun would set so early and the night robbed me off my play time. I would anxiously wait for summer to arrive. Long days and the late rising moon would allow me to steal just another minute outside with my friends Oh, how I loved that time of year! The sun was never toooooo hot and the day was a magical time where corn fields could be explored barefoot, popsicles could be swindled out of everyone and the everlasting joy the summer brings to a child was magical!

Now I am all grown up and summer means something completely different. I live in the desert of Arizona and what the sun brings is anything but magical!!!! There are days that the sweltering sun could bubble anything off of the pavement, including the soles of my shoes. I am not exaggerating! I have lost fancy shoes, tennis shoes and even flip flops to the pavement gods and I have learned to run over them before they can catch my feet!!!! I watch the clock every night at the end of July to see when exactly the days start to shorten.......I would like to inform you all, it has not happened yet. Everyone describes this heat as a dry heat and yes, it is not as humid as the Midwest BUT with hopeful monsoon storms rolling in nightly, well, lets just say, it is a swamp out there. To top it off........the monsoon's rarely produce any rain!!!!!! Blah, is it winter yet??????

Another challenge for me is my Lupus in the summer. Severe changes in the weather, such as real hot days or real cold days, can throw your body into a complete nuclear meltdown! Pain is extremely exaggerated and the fatigue is indescribable. The pain I have dealt with before and the sleepiness is always a battle but for some reason right now the fatigue is like something I have NEVER experienced EVER before. 

I have a secret to share with you......come closer........ok, I FELL ASLEEP WHILE EATING MY LUNCH TODAY!!!!!! Yes, you heard me right. I just feel asleep!!!! No warning or anything! I laid my head back on the top cushion and had my plate on my lap. The next thing I know it is forty-five minutes later and my plate or my head has not moved!!!!!!!! Yep, I cracked myself up!!!!!!

I know what you are thinking......put the remote down and crawl into bed early. I would love for it to be that easy. You see, most Lupus patients do not hit the deep sleep we all know as REM sleep. Instead we seem to dance around it all night. When you wake up, you know you did the jig because you feel even more worn out than the night before! Due to the fact that you do not hit this beautiful utopia of the REM sleep your body is always a bit more alert than most; therefore, you will be more aware of your pain, noises and just the ups and downs of the night. This leaves us more exhausted, in more pain and unable to do normal things that you would do throughout your day. 

I hate this exhaustion to the core of my Lupus! It makes me feel horrible and look lazy to others. It as if I have no desire to those on the outside looking in but that is not the case. I wish I could toughen out the heat and not develop a rash just from being outside for two seconds! I would love to walk to the kitchen and not feel like I need another nap! I would love to be able to put on a tank top and sunscreen and feel protected from the sun and all its glory! I would love to be able to swim all day with only short breaks for snacks! I would love......I would love......I would love.......the story of having Lupus. The truth is that these are part of my limitations. Not limitations I put on myself but limitations my disease weighs me down with. These are limitations that I could challenge but I also know the feeling of devastation when I reach the other side and a flare is glaring right at me shaming me with a wiggling finger knowing I know I have done wrong.

So, today as I wake up from my mid lunch siesta and I will finish my lunch like it never happened. I will wash my dishes even if it take the next few hours and I will run outside to flood my garden like I am being chased by a pack of wolves!!!!! I may seem sad and extremely tired today but in sixty-five days fall will begin! I will celebrate and jump for joy as the days get shorter and the sun has less time to bake me! I will celebrate the shortest day of the year because that is my most favorite day of the year! I will enjoy the cool winds blowing in and relish in the evenings safe on my porch. I will celebrate my time and make so many memories that they will get me through the next summer and the next summer and the one after that..............