Perfection

Spending time alone through out my life has always been something I have struggled with. I have had a difficult time finding piece in the silence of loneliness. I find my breath leaves my body in the stillness of an empty house. However, recently time has stopped moving so quickly and silence has overwhelmed my life. I have woken to the common feeling of the empty house and have stepped out of bed and touched the floor of a new day trying to find a way to find hope and solace in this life I am navigating.

Life tends to change so quickly and what used to be no longer exists. The familiar laughter that filled the still air has grown silent. I hear the birds chirping and feel the sun on my skin but shadows have crept into my heart. I want to hear the birds and dance to their song and I want to bask in the sunlight and feel the life resonate inside of me once again. I have been fighting so long to just live everyday. I have been fighting to hold on to everything surrounding me and now I am left looking around in an unfamiliar place trying to grasp to something.......anything that was once familiar. I find myself back in the scariest place of life.......an end and a new beginning. I am once again faced with a choice.........do you go into the tunnel and come out damaged with a distorted view on life and love or do you choose to come out of the other side scratched but by no means broken? 

In true Danica fashion I have chosen the latter of the two. I am slowly learning to find myself in the silence of the day. In the stillness I have found beauty within myself. I feel the comfort of my fuzzy socks and I know that I am grounded and I am still who I have always been. My favorite time of the day is dusk when everything seems to glow. My love for fish tacos is still alive and well. I now remember how much I love the bowl of ice cream right before bed and yes, I stir it so it is completely mush but darn it I LOVE IT! Most importantly for the first time in a long time I actually feel beautiful just as I am. Not because someone has told me but because I feel it recreating in my soul. I have slowly felt the glow of my smile return. The tears that have fallen so often have dried up and what is left are two glowing cheeks that feel the hope in everyday. My heart is full of joy in the possibility of what lies ahead. I will not give up and I will not quite but I am choosing to no longer fight. I have found peace in the darkness and have found comfort in the dawn. Once again in the commotion of life I have simply found me and that is more than good enough.........that is pure perfection.