Lifetime

He gently wakes me after I have fallen asleep on the couch. As I shuffle into the bedroom he takes my hand and makes sure I do not fall. The covers are pulled down and he gently turns on the heated throw that I snuggle into every night as though it is my life line to a restful sleep. I crawl into bed and he looks at me with those deep blue eyes and tells me once again that I am loved. I drift off to sleep to the sound of him in the other room still relaxing into the night.

In the middle of the night I cry out in pain and his gentle touch and reassuring words remind me that I am not alone. He asks me what he can do to make this moment pass. He takes my hand and rubs it until the circulation returns and the throb subsides. I lay back once more praying that it is the only disturbance of the night but reassured that if it is not he is a reach away. I do not fear judgement or harsh words from his mouth. The worry of unacceptance is no longer in my mind. What I now know is what unconditional love truly is and the acceptance from another so complete and pure.Love like this for someone like me is the greatest gift one could ever receive.

As I stare out the window the next day I think to myself how is this even possible? I thought I had been loved in the past; however, this is much deeper and uninterrupted. There are no conditions placed upon my heart. The worry I carried over the last year in regards to my health is nothing but an afterthought. Lupus is no longer the elephant in the room but an extension of myself that is seen as a lovely part of me that makes up the building blocks of my heart. There is no shame in the pain I feel anymore. The trips to hospitals are an adventure themselves that I no longer embark on alone. The medicine is a reminder on his phone every night and the wobbles I seem to find myself in often are something we can giggle about. I am free of all restrictions I once placed on myself and where those restrictions once were I find joy and freedom I have never felt. I now can see the true beauty within myself and all it took was the pure release only discovered when pure love enters your heart where fear once existed.

I am loved. I am loved with no conditions. My heart is in his hands for safe keeping. Home is in his arms after a long day. Life begins when the sun goes down and we find ourselves in the familiar routine of the night. Laughter is a permanent sound in our home and tears shed is a very rare occasion. After thirty-five years I have found what I have only imagined. As I am reminded nightly that I am loved I must say to you that you too are loved and in my arms you will always be home.