Cruelty

Growing up I was the little girl who just wanted to fit in. I wanted to have friends on the playground and I wanted to have friends who would knock on my door and ask my mama if I could come out and play. Eventually that happened and in order to keep that I would go above and beyond to be kind to others. At times I would probably be tooooooo nice. People would still  make fun of me and treat me poorly because they knew I would come back to school the next day and be their friends. As I grew up I would continue to see the way people would treat each others. The cruelty that would come out only because someone was a bit different. However, those people who were treated poorly would still come back and show great kindness  because being treated poorly was better than being invisible and treated like no one. 

I was taught the Golden Rule as a child.........treat others the way you would want to be treated. I swore to this rule as a child and as an adult but recently I have found default in this Golden Rule. There are some days when you can go out into the world and kill others with kindness because that is how you would want to be treated; however, this is not returned. What do you do when you try so hard to treat someone with love and loyalty when you are a door mat? How do you continue to be this kind person who shows so much love and kindness but can not see it surrounding them? What if you are made fun of or judged based on something you have no control over? What happens when you are kind and try as hard as you possibly could but find that no matter what you have no control over what happens to you which in return hurts your loved ones? 

You see I did not realize when I got sick that my life would change so drastically and that Lupus would not only affect me but also my family and friends to such a degree that some would just leave because they could not handle what this disease would show over time. I am the same Danica who ran home with tears in her eyes some days after school. I still run home with tears in my eyes after appointments, hospital stays and treatments. I still ask why everyday. Why does my life have to be altered so much because of a disease I did not ask for or have control over. I do the best I can with what I have. I am bright, Lupus beautiful and have so much love and kindness to still give but sometimes I run into these hateful and hurtful walls in life. I feel punished for being sick and I will miss out on some of the most important moments in our lives all because I have a disease called Lupus and all the details that come with it. What makes me so mad at times is that I am seen as the sick girl, Danica. Really I should be looked at as Danica only. I am not my disease and my disease can not rob me of who I am. So, if you do not like me I am ok with that but if you do not like the challenges of what a chronic illness brings to an individual and therefore clouds your judgement so much that you do not see me, the real me, then I do not need you or your shinanigens in my life.

It is Lupus awareness month and all I ask of you is to show a little more kindness and compassion for those around you. They may be sick or they may be healthy but they to still just want to be loved. So, what are you waiting for? Go knock on their door and ask them to come out and play!