As we prepare to bid farewell to yet another summer we remember the moments under the sun and the warmth of the rays felt on our cheeks as we smile up to the heavens one last time. Days grow shorter and we slowly brace for that first leaf to fall to announce the coming of the cool nights and brisk days. The smell of Fall will soon swirl around us as time moves along. As we say goodbye to Summer and hello to Fall we are yet another season closer to the end of a year and welcoming the hopes of a new one.
Lately I find myself thinking of the past and comparing this time last year to the moment I am in today. It is amazing the night and day difference that can happen in just one year........a blink of an eye in life's great journey. As we celebrated in the backyard with friends I never imagined that my home would no longer be my home in exactly a year. The one who had been a part of my life for better and for worse silently slipped away over the coming months. Family that I had grown to love as my own would be complete strangers and friends would be forced to move in and out of my life.
Pain that encompassed my heart left me speechless and altered my world. I slowly found an inner voice that had been there all along but had be silenced over the last few years. Hope rose with a new dawn and the darkness started to fade away. Where I once begged on my hands and knees for time to stop so I could catch up, I found myself running faster than it could keep up. Heartache gave way to an acceptance of myself and allowed the acceptance and love of someone else. I have fallen back in love with myself and with a heart like my own. Laughter again fills my days and longing for someone has filled my nights. I am left filled with the endless possibilities of tomorrow all because of what was left yesterday. I can truly see my future and have been able to forgive the past.
With this renewed sense of myself I am left questioning my wants and needs at this time in my life. What I had tried so long to forget has come full circle in my heart and I know where my path in life is truly meant to lead me. New beginnings result in new dreams and goals and tonight I sit here and I have decided to create a new Bucket List for my new life. Lets throw caution to the wind and take a trip into the future one step at a time............
Celebrate Lulu's 6th birthday and be there when she blows out her candles.
Celebrate Mia's birthday and be there when she blows out the candles.
Put my negotiating hat on and meet with the State of Arizona to determine a settlement for the final time.
Go into my disability hearing confident and accept the outcome regardless of what it may be.
Ride my bike five days out of the week until the end of the year.
Enter my first bike race.
Marry the man of my dreams.
Start a family with my best friend and love.
Continue to nourish my friendships and watch them grow.
Welcome new friends into my life.
Continue to emotionally grow into my physical body.
Raise awareness for Lupus and other chronic diseases.
Accept the days I am not well and gracefully handle them snug as a bug in bed.
Take my medicine no matter how yucky it is.
Leave my heart open to love.
Forgive others.
Camp under the bright Winter sky.
Cut our Christmas tree down.
Take more time for my parents and siblings.
Be a more honest me.
Love myself just as I am today and everyday.
Smile until my cheeks hurt every day.
Continue to see the world in a positive light.
Allow acceptance to flow from your heart and soul.
Stop to really take in the moment at least once a day.
Travel to Italy.
Raft the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon.
Buy my first home.
Visit Albuquerque during the holidays for their small town parade.
Go to my first ASU versus UofA game.
Camp with Ruff and Taggart yet again.
Make it known to my two best friends who have taken me in that there is nothing in the world that could ever even begin to express my true thankfulness for their unconditional love and support but I will remind them for the rest of our lives.
So on.....and so on......and so on....wherever the wind shall blow me......I am free to fly.........
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