Track Marks

The bruises are there for all to see but for me they are so much more. It is the story of my life running up and down my arms. The bruises radiate this ghoulish color of blue, yellow and I can even see a hint of purple poking its way through. Daily draws are not for everyone and even some feel faint at the simple thought of a needle piercing the skin. For me and for so many others it is a normal stop at the start of any day. 

These tiny pokes that wreak havoc on the smooth skin has lead to so many answers when doors were slammed in our faces. The drive we felt in our hearts pushed us to look for answers when everyone else around us just gave up. Family and friends would whisper sweet nothings in our ears painting pictures of everything just being in our own heads. Relationships are abandoned and voices quieted as determination fills our days as pain takes away our peaceful nights. What would have happened if we listened and followed those voices from those who claim love instead of standing on our own and standing up for ourselves??? Let me tell you what would have happened to me..........

If I would have listened to those who told me to just relax and rest and everything will be ok I am not sure I would even be here today. My immune system would have attacked my body and killed of MY building blocks of life. The damage to my joints would have made movement almost impossible. I could have suffered from a massive heart attack and stroke due to hidden cardiovascular disease that would not have been treated in a twenty something. My kidneys would have suffered from irreversible damage that is now monitored constantly. My adult onset asthma would have been shrugged off and the swelling my chest walls would go through could have been a silent killer spreading to the lining of my heart. The weight I gained in a short period of time would still be judged today as me giving up on myself when in fact my immune system had completely shut down my metabolism. Life would surely look a little different today had I listened to the voices of yesterday.

Going against the grain of life is not easy. Heartbreak is inevitable and time does not heal all wounds. Bravery is a quest to ask the hard questions today that leave us longing for the answers of tomorrow. We wear our scars from procedures, disease will leave a map on our souls and those track marks running up and down my arms do not have time to heal before the next is laid out before me. This life is not for the squeamish but for those who seek out the longevity of the future. I may not see a cure or live the longest life I would like but I still hold hope in my heart. I will carry my Lupus and ask the hard questions today just in the simple hope that one person.......just one person, will not have to in the future. I may be just one but I am one who can make a ripple in this life that will be felt by those yet to come.