During the night I am left in silence. I find myself in moments that belong to me and me alone. Until now the night held dark corners I would get lost in. Sadness was the abyss that lingered on every edge I stepped up to. Life froze and paralyzed my heart. The path that was laid out before mere weeks ago had been destroyed. Once more I was left in the rubble trying to find a way to rebuild and once more find hope, love and a purpose. In the darkness of the night I was reminded of something so simple. This life is not just about me. It is not about my pain and my loss. The selfishness I had immersed myself in in my quest to grieve must end. Once more I found my sense of direction and slowly the path destroyed is slowly finding a new direction to take me in.
Life is a struggle every moment and emptiness takes on new meaning. Hope is distinguished and the loneliness of life is real. All of this carried on the shoulders of a tiny one whose only care in the world should be freedom of exploration. Friendships beckoning them to come out and play. A life that I was so blessed to enjoy as a child. Somewhere out there under the same sun rising is a child whose voice is quiet but whose story needs to be heard. Their tiny heart feels lost and alone. Hang on tight little one because I am almost there.
In a matter of a few short weeks our lives will collide. I will carry your tears in a jar. The words you used to cry out will no longer fall on deaf ears. You may be tiny in stature but together we will be larger than life. I will stand tall for you in moments of fear. I will hold you when you cry and protect you during the moments of darkness. I will choose to be your constant until you are safe. An advocate for myself I will no longer be because something even larger than myself calls out for me in the night. I will advocate for you in a world where tiny voices are hard to hear. No more. All will listen when you speak and for the first time together we will find your hope.
When our time together is over and for the first time you will be surrounded by safety and love I will thank you. You may never know but in this life of mine you saved me. You showed me once more that unconditional love comes in many forms. I needed you just as much as you needed me. You pulled me out of the depths of grief in order to see the light once more. In the search for your hope I found mine. You allowed me to see the changing landscape of my life and you pulled my hand into the world once more. As I drift off in thought I think of you waiting for me in this moment. Needing me to be your person. I stop in this moment and step away from that thought and realize that it is me in need. I am the one who is truly waiting for you. Together we will change each others lives. I may give you a voice but you helped me find mine once more.
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