As the wheels touched down the pull of gravity threw me back into the reality I was able to leave behind. The hugs and kisses of my two favorite tiny humans are now thousands of miles away. It will not be long until I can no longer hear their voices calling my name when I close me eyes. Vacation swept me away and up in its magical grasp. The sun kissed my cheeks. The ocean was our playground and I watched my little red head learn to body board with me riding in right next to her. The house was filled with laughter, joy and most importantly.........love.
When you begin something as extraordinary as IVF and failure after failure is felt you forget what it is you are actually working towards. You loose yourself in the process. The medication alters your mind, body and soul. At times I forget what it is I enjoy in this life. Moments of isolation rip you from the grasp of what life is and the beauty it has to offer. I forget me.
This past week I was reminded of who I am right now. I am loved tremendously and supported unconditionally. Someone is crying as I shed tears and rejoicing in the positive milestones we are blessed to experience. I was reminded that I am not alone. Miles may divide but time and distance does not fade the love felt between family. My most important jobs in this life of mine carry titles such as wife, daughter, sister and auntie. My imperfections are beautiful and my weaknesses are their strengths. We are woven together into this intricate pattern that is impossible to replicate. It is our mark on each others lives and hearts that guide us to our final destinations and to the many stops along the way.
Over the next three weeks my life will drastically change. There will be a shift and I will have to adjust my sails accordingly. I must stay at the helm and face whatever storm sits on the horizon and silently pray that at the end of the storm a rainbow will appear. I can not show fear or hesitation. Faith in something larger than myself is a must and courage will guide me. Life is an adventure that is filled with many colorful characters and stories to carry you through. Breathe deep and take in this moment along with all others to follow. You are creating the map of your life and one day not too long from now this map will be your past guiding others to their future. Hold steady, stay focused and enjoy the trip along the way.
"......I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." Louisa Mat Alcott
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