A Simple Breath

Breathe in and breathe out...........repeat this for a few minutes and when you are done you will feel a small sense of relaxation. You are breathing in and out and are clearing your lungs and making room for new air. You will feel your lungs fill up to the very bottom and you will feel them clear out, every inch of them. Our lungs play such an obvious role in our lives. If you would ask me what are the two main organs you want to continue to work I would of course choose my heart and then my lungs! I know there are other very important aspects of our bodies we need in order to survive but they are a little more hidden and go unnoticed quite a bit. Sorry little worker bits I will start thinking about you too!!!!!!!!!!

My little lungs are giving me and my doctors quite a bit of trouble right now. It has been one year since I came home from vacation with strep throat. That was tough!!!!! I ran a fever of 102 all the way up to 104. I begged to be taken to the hospital so many times but the doctors kept telling Tim this was normal for strep throat and it will pass. Of course it passed but it took two doses of antibiotics to run it out of its home. I was miserable and it seemed to set of a horrible year. 

I have been battling with lung infections and other issues over the last year. I spent only three weeks off of antibiotics and steroids and those three weeks were not one after the other. I just figured it was a bad year for me and I put my head down and tried to fight through all of it. What happens when you run out of fight? I was always brave but there have been moments where I could not keep fighting  I was exhausted and wondered what I was fighting for. I spent almost the entire year in bed, lost my job and went on short term disability and I am actually now sick of being in pj's all the time (I must tell you I LOVE PJ'S)! My friends would go out to play and I would relive their adventures through stories and pictures but it did not always patch my heart and there were times it just kept breaking over and over again. In my heart I knew it was time to seek more help and receive the twentieth second opinion. It was time to play with the big hitters and that is what I did and I am still doing. I may not always be up to the fight but those hungry doctors have enough fight for me!

These big hitters consist of many Mayo doctors in soooooo many specialties. I move from one to the other in search of that one home run! My biggest hitter these days has been my pulmonologist. He is trying to find out what my lungs are struggling so often. He thought that the constant cough and hoarseness was due to GRED, fancy name for acid reflux. I had the little chip planted last week and there was no acid reflux occurring. Darn.....next! I always knew it had nothing to do with GERD but the only way I could prove it was going through this test. Now I feel as if he is going to be forced to look a little deeper and even outside of the box.

Remember that breathing you did when you first started reading??? Well I seem to have a case of pneumonia that loves my lungs and it wants to live there forever!!!!! You see the pneumonia is not my issue at this point......my issue is that my breathing is so labored that I had no idea I had pneumonia.  I have not been able to breathe normally for some time. I figured it was an asthma attack but nope, you can't argue with pictures. It was there right the right lung in the upper right lobe. They gave me a dose of antibiotics right there in the hospital and sent me on my way with another ten day supply. 

Everything continued to move in the right direction until Tuesday  I felt a little more tight in the chest and I started to cough but I figured it was just my bodies way of healing itself after surgery. I made it through the weekend but by Monday I could not ignore it any longer. I packed myself up in the car and headed to magical land of the hospital. Hours later the good ole doc came in to see us. Lab work looked good but there was now a spot on the left lung right in the middle. She is not sure if it is the old pneumonia trying to heal or if we are dealing with it all over again. One thing she new was that me going back on antibiotics was actually getting to the point of being dangerous for my system. We decided on three days of steroid and an opiod that actually helps suppress the cough. She looked at me and said that she didn't think she could help me and she was honest when she told us they are not prepared to deal with this kind of situation. She just wanted to make me as comfy as possible until I see the pulmulogist.

I am afraid right now. One of my two organs I picked is making me hurt and feel sad. I want those lungs working 100% and what are these spots dancing around in my lungs? Why is it so hard to breathe and why must I cough so much that I almost pee myself? I am laughing about it too!!!!!! I want to ride my bike and be able to just leave my house. I want to have slumber parties with my girlfriends and snuggle with the little ones.   Hey, maybe a puppy will help!!!!! I just want what the majority of people have, the ability to breathe. I know I will never been normal and there are some things I have to sacrifice in order to stay as healthy as possible and I am coming to terms with all of that but I want to be able to breathe. I need to breathe! 

So, tonight when you are lying down and relaxing I want you to concentrate on your breath and how it lulls you to sleep and as you drift off into dream land please send me just one of your breaths. If enough people do this maybe my lungs will fill up, kick the unwanted house guest out and give me enough energy to leave my bed. Just make sure you brush your teeth before sending me your breath! What?!?!?!?!?! I am still a girl!!!!!

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