Your Mark

Most young adults start their lives the day they leave the their parents home. The apron strings are cut and you are ready to spread your wings and fly! You leave with this feeling of empowerment and with this independence that has been trying to reach the surface over the last four years. It is time! It is time to make a life for yourself and leave your mark on this world. Now the question is........what will that mark look like? 

Everyday choices are put in front of us. Do I run that red light so I can get to work on time or check in a little late? Do I smile at strangers or just put my head down and get through? Do I stand up tall in the face of horrible circumstances or do you let things defeat you? These are all choices we will be faced with everyday. You will run late, you will meet strangers and have hard choices thrown your way. Now is the time to decide how you will answer these questions posed to you.

Those of us who are not well and have accepted a life full of long struggles knows what it is like to have that cut short or altered in some way or form. It is terrifying when you realize the choices you wanted to make or the mark you wanted to leave on this world may be challenged. We answer that challenge by not expecting the world to adjust to us but to adjust ourselves to the world.

One idea of mine that has been challenged is the idea of a family. I have always wanted to be a mom and I truly thought I would make my mark through my children. I pictured my grandchildren and great grandchildren telling stories about their crazy Grandma Danica and how she loved to dance and laugh! 

When I was first diagnosed with Lupus the doctor's explained to me that this may complicate things as I got older. I really needed to consider starting a family younger than I had planned. At 22 years old I was still a baby and I was not ready to have a baby of my own! I wanted to experience things and make a wonderful life  full of opportunity for my future family. I wanted to graduate college so that I would inspire my children to reach for even more than I did. I wanted to have a family born into real, unconditional love. So, I waited.

Believe me, I am not sorry for waiting! I would not have wanted to be anyone less than what I am today for my family. The consequence for waiting was that I grew older and unfortunately have grown a bit sicker along the way. I am not sad that I may not have a child of my own. The question posed to me at this moment is how to move forward. What mark do I want to leave on this world when the circumstances have changed and choices are a bit different for me?

I will leave a mark of love! Love for my family and love for myself. You really have to learn to love who you are when it turns out to be nothing you expected. I have two beautiful nieces that love me and will know me and hear my story. I have a family and so many friends who would do anything for me and anything to make this life a bit more comfy along the way. I have a Timmy! Sorry ladies, there is only one Timmy in this world like mine and I snatched him up! This is enough for me and enough for my heart to feel extended every moment of everyday!

So everyday I wake up and I look over to see that yes, the sun has come up again. It may have been a tough night, day or week but it is a new one! I am so thankful for this because I am not sure what tomorrow holds or how many mornings there will be in any of our lives. I take that feeling and I want to share it with the world! I will smile at everyone I meet and say kind words to strangers because you never know, you may have been the hello that changed their day. I hold my head high while I walk even if I am walking very slow. This will be my mark on this world and yes, it will be shaped like a sock monkey!