Blindsided

I loved and hated dodge ball as a kid. I loved it when I was picked for the team but hated it when I had to sit out because no one chose me and that happened more often than not. When I was able to play the most embarrassing way to be hit by that red bouncy ball was in the face! Oh boy, that happened to me a lot! The gym bell would ring and we were headed back to class. Everyone was giggling about the fun they had and there I was smiling big with the side of my face red and swollen! All I could think about was that I had been picked! I may have been blindsided but I was part of the team this time and that was all I could ask for!!!!!!!

I despise the word blindsided. I hate the feeling I get from it and it never means something good in my life. I am blindsided by another car, how that doctor blindsided me with what he found and the worst..........where did this enormous bill come from!!!!!!!! It makes my stomach turn and leaves me fearing for my life......not literally  just figuratively! I just shiver when I think of the meaning of that word to and my life situations.

Over the last few years you could say that I was blindsided around every corner that I turned. There was that big red bouncy ball and it would just smack me in my face and if fate didn't think I felt it enough, oh it would throw it again so I could have to internal rosy cheeks. Thanks fate!!!!!! We have lost jobs, had to take jobs that we hated, health has declined and we have had to choose separation so that maybe that big red ball would not be around every corner in the future! Hey, one can hope and believe me that is one thing we do not lack in my family.....hope. 

So another ball has hit me in both cheeks and to make it worse, in the front and the back of the head! Only if you could physically see this I think I would have a Youtube hit on my hands! I am not walking away from this situation just happy I was picked......I am walking away and wondering what to do. 

It involves health insurance and the high price we must all seem to pay when you are on your own. You see, when I lost my job with the State of Arizona I chose to continue my coverage with COBRA. I know this is very familiar for a lot of you, especially those of you who have lost their jobs. The expense is so big but in my case I have to have it and finding a plan a little less expensive is not an option for me. I have been marked as uninsurable by the insurance companies! I have to look for coins hidden in funny places and count every penny because of insurance. I just hate this. I even applied for state assistance when it comes to health  insurance BUT I make toooooooo much money on short term disability. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! How is it that others seem to qualify but I can't????? It is that big red ball just bouncing in in the corner taunting me waiting to be flung in my direction! I swear, if you close your eyes you all can hear it.....it has that distinctive rubber ball bounce!!!!!!

What do I do next???? I realize the cost of insurance is not the worst thing in this world and I am thankful for the care I am able to receive and the costs of my medicine. I have hope it will get better, we all have to have hope during tough times. We all have to lean on our family and loved ones. I will just get back up and look at that big red ball in the eye and stick my tongue out at it! Hey, that worked when I was a kid! Maybe that is why I wasn't picked all the time and here I thought it was my bad aim!

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