Glass Case

One of the silliest movies I have ever seen is Anchor Man. I hated that movie when I first saw it but then I watched it with my sister and I saw her crack up over the entire thing made it so special that it has now become one of my favorite movies! There is a line in the movie where Baxter the dog has been kicked over the bridge and Ron Burgandy is in a phone booth yelling that he is locked in a glass case of emotions!!!!!! All I have to do is watch this clip and send it to my sister and my day is filled with laughter and joy! It is amazing how such the simple act of laughter can make an impact on your day.............a five second belly laugh and the next 23 hours will never be the same!

As positive as I am I have been struggling over the last few weeks. I haven't been well and days and nights drag on and seem to melt into each other with no real difference. The sun rising just allows me to see the pain I am in and notice the things I can not do. The night encompasses me with the intense feeling of the pain I have tried to ignore in the light of day. It has been a battle to get out of bed, tend to my ever growing garden and find joy in simple everyday moments. I am hunting out the free feeling that five seconds of laughter will give me.

I spoke to someone yesterday who had some experience with auto immune diseases and he said they were the worst diseases that took the hardest toll on lives that are affected by them. He told me that he was oh so sorry and to expect moments of resentment and loss directed at me personally. He told me to prepared for the ones who love me the most to actually dislike me the most. This dislike does not resonate from hatred towards me personally but this disease that seems to tag along like a shadow. I understood what he was saying but I just could not believe him...........I will now believe him. I will not let him and his viewpoint lock me into a box and throw away the key. This is my life and my heart and I will decide who and when it breaks. 

I may be locked in a glass case of emotion but........look it is glass! I can see out. I can still see the sun and feel the warmth through the case. I can see clouds roll in and watch people pass me by. I can still see my friends and family. There may be times when I can only feel them ever so slightly through the vibration in the glass but they are still there. They have never left. No matter how dark the nights get and intense the pain has become there is always someone there to give me my five second laugh. How can I believe that a life so precious can lead to so much anger? I will not let it happen and I will not allow my disease to take away the one thing that I have left to control......my heart.

Life is beautiful no matter where you are watching it from. You just have to choose to open those beautiful eyes of yours and take in whatever passes you by and grab onto the things that you can not live without.