What do you think about when you lay your head on the pillow at night???? Hopefully you daydream yourself into this blissful state that allows the sheep to come out and play while you count them as your dreams take form. That would be wonderful and I am sad to report that most people I know lay in bed fighting sleep while going over the next days activities in their minds. You wrestle with all the outcomes and possibilities until you make yourself sick and at this point you may only get three hours of restful sleep.......no wonder everyone is so tired!!!!!
It is this unknown that tends to frighten us the most. Will the presentation at work go well, why does the teacher want to talk to me about my kids and I have soooooo many things to do and not enough time. I want you to stop right now and try to remember your worries of yesterday and compare them to what actually happened. Most of the time everything tends to fall in place just as it should. So why is it that we make ourselves sick with worry about everything under the sun?
The unknown is the one thing we can not control and prepare for. When I first started getting sick I did not sit down and have a conference call with my lungs, joints and kidneys to make sure they were all on the same page. They were my unknown and still are. They are also the things in my life that scare me and can shake me to my core. I can drink water only for two years straight and still have some kidney issues. It is not something I can plan for ahead of time. It just happens and you have to trust that it happens for a reason.
I have to be honest and admit that I am not 100% sure what I believe in when it comes to the after life but I do believe in faith and I believe in fate and I truly believe they go hand in hand. Maybe it is something I tell myself to make all of the unexpected ok and worth something even when it tears you down. It allows me to deal with the unknown and answer the questions asked of me in this life. I am sick and right now I am sicker than I have ever been so far. I am terrified of the unknown. I look at people who have battled my disease.......did they know when it was coming to an end? Could they look at their families and in one moment know that they will be ok? Did they go through the last year and treasure every moment because they would not see the next year? These are tough questions no one should have to think about, especially at 33.
I truly believe I am sick for a reason. I may not understand this reason right now and I may never know but someone will. Maybe answers will be found within my genetic makeup and another generation will not be sick and cures will be found. I may not get to physically see this but someone will and my life and suffering will have been completed in that one moment.
I have faith in my fate.
https://www.wepay.com/donations/danica-s-doctor-delima
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