I am sure we all remember as kids sitting on the floor in front of an obstacle that has stopped us in our tracks. I remember crying into my hand and my mama coming over and telling me to get up and keep moving. I had no idea how important this lesson would be for me in my life as an adult. 

When we made the decision to leave work and file for disability, in that moment I felt defeated. I asked myself how did I get here and where do I go. I felt alone and afraid. In our house you are not aloud to feel sorry for yourself. You can have a bad day but you have to snap out of it and take that first step forward. There are some days I am frustrated and will cry BUT Tim comes in and recognizes I am having a tough time. He hugs me and talks to me but after that it is time to move on and he will look at me and tell me if that lip sticks out any farther any longer a bird is going to come and poop on it! That is my signal to pick myself up! How do you move on? Sometimes I feel as if I am going through the motions of life but really have no idea! I know most people feel like this and that is actually comforting for me. It is even more comforting to have friends with Lupus who help me understand and feels the same frustrations as I do. 

I have decided that filing for disability is actually going to give me more ability in my every day life. This new found ability is allowing me to look at my life and change up my life goals a bit. I can still focus on my future and I can still make plans, they just have to be altered a bit. So, I am making some new goals for my life!!!

GOALS

1. Go to the gym and walk everyday!

2. Go to yoga class at least twice a week!

3. Get dresses everyday in actual clothes, not pj's!

4. Rest in the middle of the day everyday!

5. Be there 110% for Tim during this transition period!

6. Understand my disease and treatments more every day!

7. Color everyday to help with my small motor skills!

8. Keep a journal of symptoms everyday for the doctor!

9. Join a Lupus support group!

10. When I don't feel well, all the above will be attempted the next day!

A door has been closed in my life and I am taking the first steps through the new door. I have no idea what this room will have in it. One thing I am certain about is right through that door, in the new room is love. I see my mama's face telling me to keep moving. I see Bob and Pat encouraging me all the way. I see Holly telling me that everything in life is special and always with me. Most importantly, Tim walks through that door with me and will continue to walk through every door I find myself at. He is full of encouragement and unconditional love. I know what ever obstacles I may face are just leading me into a new adventure in this funny thing they call life!