I wish I was a fish!!!!!

You heard me right.....I wish I was a fish! BUT this fish must live in warm water.... not toooooooo hot and not toooooooo cold!!! So, I know you are wondering why a fish and not some exotic animal like a Norwhal, that does exits thanks to Timmy!!!! Well, it all started last night. Around 7pm I could feel it coming on and I knew this could be a long night ahead of us.........severe leg pain!!!!! My prediction was correct and both Tim and I struggled through out the night trying to find ways to help relieve the pain. At one point I crawled into a warm bath and finally felt some relief. While I was sitting in the tub and trying to relax I had a revelation....I should be a fish!!!!! When I am in warm water the pain just seems to float off of me like magic and relief is felt for a moment!!!! This is where the water temperature does play a HUGE  role for me to live as a fish......you see, people who suffer from Lupus have sever sensitivity to temperatures. Too hot of a shower can cause a painful and itchy rash while to cold can cause cramping and pain both can cause a flare, so, that water must be just right!!!! Just like Goldilocks found in baby bears bed.....just right!!!!! As I continued to dream of being a fish and with the pruning process complete....I slipped out of my fish world and back into real life. The warm bath did not cure the pain and it did come back BUT for one moment last night I was able to relax and dream of being a beautiful purple fish that lives in just right water!!! 

That is one thing I have found that is very important in my life and others who have chronic illnesses, keep dreaming! I may not be able to remember what it feels like to not have pain or what it feels like to make it through the day without feeling so tired that you would gladly sleep in the grocery store isle. BUT I do dream. I dream of walking down the isle at my wedding. I dream of chasing my own children one day. I dream of going to Germany to see where my family originated from. I dream about everything!!!! Lupus can take a lot away from a patient and their families but it can never take away your ability to dream! So, today while I am stuck in bed and recovering from a night of hell I will continue to dream.