You know there are times when I think people forget that you did not just wake up today and scream I am sick today and forever from here on out (I picture stomping one foot with my arms crossed in front of my chest)!!!!!! They forget that this was not a choice we made ourselves. This is not the life we wanted for our loved ones.....we wanted more and it is ok to be disappointed. My beautiful friend Briney made the most insightful comment to me the other day................LUPUS SUCKS!!!!! Oh and it does!
Today I woke up and it was the first day the world was spinning on its normal feet. Everyone woke up, took the ragamuffins to school and punched the time clock. It was also the first day I was able to contact an actual person involved in my firing case. I know Tim and I knew it was true but there was a little piece in our hearts that believed this was all a silly mistake! This was not a mistake, my insurance ended last Friday and I was not informed about any off it. That is the most frustrating part. If there was a "misunderstanding" between two individuals regarding my case, why did they not just call me? I'm not a scary person that bites (last time I checked).....I would have listened and would have went to great lengths to make sure everything was going to be fine. I just feel sad and for this moment the options and choices were removed from my hands and when you are battling an illness that happens so often and each and every time is still as frustrating as the first. We all want to believe in the greater good of individuals but I think part of growing up and wisening up is due to the realization that is not always the case in this life. Part of this growing up though has made me realize I will always try to be one of the individuals who surprise the doubters regarding the basic goodness of people.
So, now I am at home reaching for anything in terms of ideas on how we make this work until I am hopefully approved for short term disability. I was able to stock up on medicine and tomorrow I go by the doctors office and pick up samples of medications we just can not afford. I have decided to let go of all of that anger and disappointment in my heart because when you hold on to all of that it seems to escalate into actual physical pain for me. It is just not worth it. Tim and I will be taking all of our love and positive feedback and send it towards the first goal we have right now.......getting approved for short term disability. After that is done.....well, we will go from there but at this point in time we are not sure what "where" is going to be.
We are all going to have lots of heartache and disappointments in life. I think we all need to remember who we are, what we stand for and how we want to be remembered in those situations. They will help define you and pave the path for your future. This is not only for someone who is sick but just anyone who falls on hard times. Today we have fallen but whose to say that we can not pick ourselves up and carry on tomorrow.
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